I don't want to be all gloom and doom but lately I've encountered more and more people who have gone through an adoption plan failure. Having experienced this twice ourselves, I know finding help out there is hard. I hope this will be a help to someone (though I would never wish this upon anyone). So for the next couple days I'd like to post a really great article I found. It is 3 parts and here is part 1.
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Our prayer for you is that as you walk this path, you will feel God's presence and comfort. May you find healing and peace in His ultimate plan for you.
You never thought it would happen to you. Even though your adoption worker told you that a number of families would experience the disruption of an adoption plan (before the adoption was finalized), you thought that it would happen to other people—but not you.
When an adoption plan disrupts, whether before a baby is born or after, whether you have met the birthfamily or had the baby in your home, the pain and feelings of loss are real. Once you hear the news that you have been selected as adoptive parents, you often begin to bond with the idea of that baby, the baby that might become your child to love and to raise. You know on one level that this is not a sure thing, that you have to wait—and wait patiently—but in your heart, on an emotional level, you want this baby so much. This must be the baby that God intends for your family.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you." Jeremiah 29: 11&12
When your adoption plan did not become a reality, you experienced a profound loss. It is similar to the loss that expectant parents feel when they experience miscarriage or stillbirth. Your grief is real. But all too often, potential adoptive parents feel as if they do not have the right to grieve. After all, the baby is alive and well and going to be raised by loving parents. And it was not your baby—yet.
But an adoption plan that does not materialize is a loss, and the hurt and pain run deep. The grief of parents who miscarry or have an adoption plan disrupt is sometimes called "disenfranchised grief" because people may not feel entitled to grieve or may feel that, without a death, they should not feel grief.
"Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness." Psalms 143: 8-10
Source: Bethany Christian Services
